by Jonathan van Geuns, August 23, 2024
From life's confines, dreams of intimate adventures arise,
Chasing fleeting milestones, validation, wedded to identity,
I feel drawn towards this trial of trails, in distance, in time, in joy,
Over mountains, through deserts, saguaros shielding from the sun,
Guided by orange flags, ribbons and the mercy of volunteers,
After a winter long training, four years of ardent waiting,
I sign up for a pièce de résistance, manifesting my running life,
Yet I feel ever more caught, trapped by shadowy thoughts,
Wondering endlessly in my mind, the realm we dwell, distant yet close,
I ask, I demand, how can this act be savored, endured over time,
While inhumanity persist, while we witness the oppressed, imprisoned,
Movement refused, a life obstructed by checkpoints and walls,
Now undeniably robbed of any freedom, fleeing, displaced in terror,
Digging through rubble, obliterated carrying unimaginable pain,
Bereft of joy, no refuge to find, isolated and alone, no finish line in sight,
And, while safely from homely shelter, in my reckoning,
As I condition, prepare, travel cross borders for my selfish endeavor,
In a time where the paradigm burdens us to silence, inertia, to move on,
Eroding our soul, attempts designed to keep us all oppressed,
I hesitate and try to resolve: where I stand, how I move, how can I,
Comprehend this all: the why, the meaning of my privilege, my joy,
What is it that I run for, away from, what is this act of running,
So I seek to define uninhibited this act uniquely mine, or yours,
In motion graceful, playful, versatile unbound, unconstrained, free,
Natural, simple and minimal, yet never replicated in like manner,
Succumbing to the change of breath, the rhythm of footsteps,
The quietness in being oneself, a state of well-being,
Candidly present in the moment, numinous in wonder,
Vulnerable to pain and finding ways to rise above it,
Towards all that is unbearable hurting just as much as it is worth,
Surely this act channels a force of resilience, empowerment,
Equipping us with existential relief, fulfillment and inspiration,
Counter to division, exacting selflessness, solidarity, and communal care,
This transformative pursuit releases inertia, challenges us distant to comfort,
Yes running defies defeat, defies determinism, the status quo,
Creating moments of ineffable joy and freedom, of liberation,
Exactly, in this radical act of running, I bear so firmly those in dire need,
I hold on to Palestine, if ever our people, between the river and the sea,
Not because I don’t deserve this experience, but because they deserve it too,
In this contrast, spared of suffering, our freedoms and rights are intertwined,
Here I find meaning, reminding me that we all are human,
With universal wonder and delight, and deserving of freedom,
A virtue and vital part of flourishing and coexistence,
Fueled by freedom to enjoy I embrace resistance, irresistible, irreversible,
Diverging apathy, assertion of life and humanity in a world indifferent to both,
To heal our heart, return our breath, restore our peace and revive our spirit,
Here guilt dissolves and elevates gratitude, a responsibility to uphold,
To give my all to this right, this act, as part of my freedom and our liberation,
A beholden declaration to why I run: that no one is free, until we are all free.
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